.......and IF......

People of my generation may still be 'dum..dee..dum..dee....dum' or whistling the tunes from songs of the seventies. Perhaps many of us still remembers..'If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't I paint you.." made famous by the group BREAD or perhaps 'If I am a carpenter and you were a lady...' by Bobby Darren or many other songs with titles of 'IF'. If you are a P.Ramlee and Saloma fan, surely you'll remember songs with lyrics 'Jikalau ku tahu, di sini ada melati, tak payah merantau, tak payah ku cari-cari' ... or .... 'Jikalau abang merindu, sebutlah oh namaku....' Every songs will certainly remind you of something.

The word 'IF' or in the Malay language 'Jikalau' or 'Andai or Seandainya'. Such a simple word means something to all of us if not most people. It symbolise, hope, regret, frustration but mostly, a feeling of guilt, restlessness whilst leaving you a sense of helplessness.

The above photo was emailed to my wife a few days ago. It was a photo of my uncle who resides in Singapore with his children and grandchildren except for one. It was taken on their visit to Kuala Lumpur to meet my Mrs.and her sisters to offer their condolences and lend their support on the passing of my late father-in-law.

Vividly I remember that I do not really grow up with my cousins, may be its because of our age differences but mainly being afar from them. My only regret is that I must admit, I failed to give them a visit - especially to my uncle as well as his late wife - my auntie, I called Mak Pon. Everytime I have the opportunity to coming home perhaps once every two years. All I can remember is that how time flies and suddenly my annual leave is coming to the end and I have to leave.

Every picture tells a story. When I see these photos, I remember calling my uncle, 'Ayah Atu' or 'Ayah Satu' until the day my father passed away in December 1990 . From than on, call my uncle to this day 'Ayah'. I don't know why I called him 'Ayah Atu' but I believed that being the only child, I did not want to share all my uncles on my mother side with the rest of my cousins..!!!.. Imagine that..!!..

In short 'Ayah Atu' was a policeman in Singapore, serving first with the patrol-car, then with the mobile-squad on motobike and lastly a police-car driving instructor till his retiring day. He was made a 'corporal' twice. He was always in disagreement and never a 'yes-man' with his bosses that his 'corporalship' was taken away from him then to be reinstated. He never knew the word 'kow-tow' to any of his superiors. His personal pride, honesty or perhaps his ego did not go well with his superiors that his rank was taken away from him for the second time.

Despite what people say about him, with all his shortcomings I love him like my own father. Not only being my 'ayah atu' he was a mentor to me. He taught me all his driving-skills especially in car-chases and safe-driving no matter how fast we drive. His passion or weakness, which I inherit to this day is collecting 'parang' of all kinds. He said it is good for a man to have one. He always goes back to kampong during wedding seasons so that he can be one of the 'penanggah-man' for 'rewang-rewang' (to give a helping hand in cutting and paring the meat for the feast). Another of his passions is collecting 'rings' of various designs and gemstones. I do still have few of his collections to date when he gave me when I last visited him a few years ago.

Ayah..!.. I salute you for bringing-up your children very well. My hats off to you and Mak Pon in keeping the family together - just like Zorro, 'ALL for ONE and ONE for ALL'. I have three of my own and I have headaches..!!..

We as children, I believe takes after our fathers or mothers or both either in character, built and looks. As for his 3 sons, the eldest reminds me of our youngest uncle in his looks. The 2nd.son has his father's built and looks, especially his front hair dropping into his forehead, but a man of few words like his late mum. I remember him calling my late father 'ayah titum'...!!!... The youngest, I think has his late-mother's skin-tones and looks. But I am certain, they all love 'big-bikes' just like their father.

Phew....!!!... as for my girl cousins...I think I'd better reserve my comments to a later posting but importantly I do not want to offend them or their husbands, except for one. Maaf ye.. kak long, kak ngah, ida and liha...!!!..

As for their spouses and the children, please forgive me, I do not be able to identify them as which is which or who are whose. But, a big thank you all for making up our days when we were there.

IF only we have time we can change the world for the better. IF only we have the opportunity to improve ourselves we can be a better person. IF only we can love our children more, we will never be alone. IF only we can teach our siblings of all the goodness, we can guarantee they will grow up and contribute the society with honesty and integrity. IF only we could rewind the lost times perhaps, still we will be unable to unwind the lost memories.

IF ONLY...!!!...... No Regrets...!!!